Life as I knew it was shattered by the unexpected death of my dad. I was just an average person then. A consumer, a sleep walker; going through the motions of life, unaware and ungrateful of the limited time I had with the people I loved. I had never felt such a huge loss.  The grief seemed like mine alone. No one else could ever know or understand this pain, and it raised many questions: What happened to him? Is he okay? Can I still have a connection with him? How do I ever feel okay again? I searched for answers. Looking through books and having conversations with hospice workers, near death experiencers, even hypnotists and mediums.  Through my search I started to move from grief to purpose.  I felt a calling to help people with death but wasn’t sure how I was going to do that yet. 

 So I started where I could.  I volunteered for a non-profit end of life foundation, where I learned their unique way to care for and serve community members after death.  I also volunteered for all sorts of local events, where I learned the value of being part of a community.  Then I found another non-profit who serves their community in a different way with ocean burials. When I learned about their classes on facing death and death doula training, I realized that this was the way I want to serve others.  I took as many courses online as I could and traveled for in person training.  I became a notary and got ordained to become a celebrant of life and death. I started hosting Death Cafes, a not-for-profit model, to hold space for community conversations about death. 

 As I learned more about death, I realized I had not really been living. I’d just been surviving on autopilot. Work-eat-sleep-repeat. I continued to push myself by joining a group program that focused on relationships, freedom, and thriving in life. There I discovered that by avoiding my pain and loss, I was also missing out on the pleasures of life. I started to truly understand that I am in this body for a limited amount of time and I have to take care of it and enjoy this opportunity that I have to be alive. Even though I lost someone important to me, I had to learn to live my life in a way that honors them. I had to live for them.  

Flowers smell good. Hugs feel nice. Gratitude can help anything feel better. I realized how great it feels to take care of myself and to be resourced enough to handle challenges. I started to recognize and meet my own needs so I could show up in a way to be truly present with others. I was really starting to live, and love the life I was given. I experienced happiness again, for what felt like the first time ever in adult life. 

Then my best friend died from depression at 35. I had just figured out how to be happy, it took me 36 years to learn how to live and love my life, and she was only 35.  I was once more cast into a sea of grief… losing my routines, losing myself.  Joy slipping away again. This loss was harder in its own way. A complicated grief.  So out of order.  It affected so many other people that I love.  

Still struggling to live without her, I pushed forward. I continued to read, to learn, and host Death Cafes to support others. This huge loss inspired me to reach out to a health coach and consultant from whom I learned the QPR method of suicide first aid. This training taught me how to talk about suicide safely, to recognize warning signs, and  provided the tools to talk to people that are considering it. I also enrolled in a trauma informed practitioner training, where I learned many skills to help hold a safe space for others. 

 I found the support of group programs to be so helpful in my own healing and growth. I was inspired to create my own group program where we can support, inspire, and celebrate together.  This program isn't just about preparing for death, but also about how to live with more meaning and joy until death.  We all deserve happiness, community support, and the right to a positive end of life. 

My grief still leaves me paralyzed some days, but I know I have to keep going. I have to take care of myself so I can show up for others and be resourced enough to enjoy my life. I offer love, community, support, empowering education, and most of all hope. Hope that we can all be resourced, supported, and given the ability to share moments of happiness that outweigh the moments of despair. Hope through this process we can meet our needs, and enjoy our existence including all of the gifts of this life.  

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